Judge: I sentence you as a Violent Career Criminal to life imprisonment.
Defendant: It is an honor and a privilege to be here today and accept your sentence. It has been a long tough road, but thru hard work and perseverance I have been able to enjoy a wonderful career in crime. To be recognized as a Violent Career Criminal is more than I could have ever hoped for. I’d like to thank my mother and father for the bad genes they passed down to me, and the poor environment they provided me with. I’d like to thank my many attorneys who didn’t do a damn thing to help me. The prosecutors for prosecuting me, your honor for sentencing me, and the clerks for memorializing this day forever. Finally, I’d like to thank the police officers who arrested me without whom I would not be accepting this award and to God for not listening to my prayers. I accept this award on behalf of all my brother and sisters imprisoned by this Fascist country we live in. God Bless!