A Whale of a good time

So I’m walking on the beach and I see this white waxy solid looking substance all over. I pick it up, it smells like wax, and feels like wax. I can break it up in my hand fairly easily. I start thinking, this is nothing and I toss it down. But as I contiue to walk I see more and more of it. I start thinking what if it is something unique, and I am missing out on it. So I search on google on my iphone for white waxy like substance washed up on beach, and I get this heading: AMBERGRIS aka Floating Gold (www.squidoo.com/ambergrease.) Ambergris is whale vomit that is used in perfumes. Eau De Whale vomit. But then as I read on, I learn that this white waxy like substance could also come from a Sperm Whale. The rest of this has been censored. To read more go to www.legallybalduncensored.com……Apparently the Sperm Whale is so named because of the word, “Spermaceti.” “Spermaceti” is a wax present in the head cavities of the Sperm Whale. However,  Spermaceti was originally mistaken for the Whale’s Sperm, hence the name Sperm Whale. Well, before I was able to find all this out, I was slightly worried that I was in fact picking up piles of Whale sperm. Either from  a pair of horny Whales or maybe an orgy of horny Whales. Maybe even Moby Dick himself. I wasn’t sure. Perhaps this is how the old saying, “Having a Whale of a time,” came into being. Because if it was Whale sperm I was seeing, some Whales were having a “Whale of a good time.” Of course for all I knew it was just one horny Whale swimming solo, or “whaling with himself,” as the Mermaids like to call it. But if it was Whale sperm, I wasn’t having such a good time. I wasn’t wearing gloves, and I was a little concerned about catching some kind of Whale STD. I wasn’t so thrilled about handling Whale vomit, either, but if it was going to make me rich, then it was a small price to pay. But there did seem to be an inordinate amount of Whale vomit, from either one really drunk Whale with a hell of a hangover or a bunch of drunken Whales, or just really sick Whales, and what were the odds that there could be this much Ambergris washed up on shore? I sent pictures of my findings to a Marine Biologist and some other people who claimed to be experts in Ambergris, and even brought some samples to supposed experts. Though, everyone was pretty sure it was not Ambergris, no one could say for sure what it was. The various suggestions were that it may be wax from a cruise ship. It may be talon from a ship.  I guess I can make candles and or soap with what I have (maybe I could sell the Whale candles to Yankee Candle and the Whale soap to Bed, Bath, and Beyond.), and I should be thankful it isn’t any Whale’s sperm. (Of course if was Whale Sperm, I could always open a Whale Sperm Bank for those female Whales who want children, but don’t want to deal with Moby Dick.) I should also be thankful that it is not Ambergris, since I have now learned that it is illegal to possess and or sell Ambergris. But that’s to prevent people from hunting Whales for Ambergris as opposed to finding the Ambergris washed up on shore, which by the way, I think I actually did find a small piece. It is worth $150.oo per pound.  But I have much less than a pound. (SEE www.ambergris.co.nz)

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