I live in Melbourne Beach. So late one night I get this urge to make some cookies.  But I’m out of chocolate chips.  The 7-11 right near my house doesn’t have any and everything else is closed except the Wal-Mart on A1A and Eau Gallie. It’s a good fifteen minutes away, but I really have this urge to make some cookies, which is a problem I’m trying to get over. So I drive all the way to the Wal-Mart.  But when I get there I can’t find any chocolate chips.

So I ask someone where the chocolate chips are, and out of nowhere she starts giving me attitude.  We don’t sell chocolate chips here, she says in a tone like I’m an idiot for even asking. So I give her some attitude back, saying how is it possible for Wall mart not to sell Chocolate chips. That’s ridiculous.  And then she says as snotty as she can, no it’s not ridiculous this isn’t a Super Wal-Mart.  And then she goes on to say if I had any sense I would have gone to the Super Wal-Mart located on Wickham and Sarno.

And then I say well I didn’t realize that this Wal-Mart was actually A Not So Super Wal-Mart or a Sub-Par Wal-mart. And then I go a little too far and say well, I guess the Super Wal-Mart must be where they have Super Wal-Mart employees, as opposed to here where they employ Not So Super Wal-Mart or Sub-Par Wal-Mart employees like you.

Then she calls some Not So Super Wal-Mart Security guards who promptly escort me from the premises of the Not So Super Wal-Mart and have me trespassed for one year from not only her Not So Super-Sub-Par Wal-Mart, but also from every other Not So Super-Sub-Par Wal-Mart in the Country. Which also includes Okay Wal-Marts, Not So Bad Wal-Marts, Indifferent Wal-Marts, Pretty-Good Wal-Marts, Decent Wal-Marts, and Indecent Wal-Marts.  I was going to argue she didn’t have that much jurisdiction, but once I realized she didn’t have any jurisdiction to keep me out of the Super Wal-Marts, I no longer cared. For now on I only shop at Super Duper Wal-Marts. And when I purchase things at the Super Duper Wal-Mart I only use my American Express Double-Platinum-Gold-Plated-Titanium-Plus card.


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