SUBSTITUTIONS ONLY

 There are all kinds of laws, rules and regulations.  But one of the worst has to be No Substitutions.

So I go to lunch at this Thai restaurant. I order a vegetarian meal.  Soup is included. They bring out soup with meat in it. I tell them I can’t eat the soup it has meat. I’m a vegetarian. That’s why I ordered the vegetarian meal. The meal that is under the heading: “Vegetarian Meals” in their menu. I ask if they could give me a vegetarian soup instead, which they do make and is listed on the menu. The waitress says no substitutions. Which she points out it says “No Substitutions” on the menu. I ask to speak to the owner. The owner says sorry, No Substitutions. Read the menu.  I’m like, I know. I read it. I also read Vegetarian Meals. So why are you bringing me soup with meat? Sorry, she says. No substitutions. That’s when I decided I was going to open my own restaurant and the menu was going to say “Substitutions Only.” You want the chicken order the Veal. You want fish, order a Hamburger. You want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich order the Egg salad sandwich, etc…

 

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