THE CRIMINAL DEFENDANT LINGO

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DEFENDANT: So I caught a charge, and I’m not trying to go to prison, you feel me, because I need to help my baby-Mama with my kid, and I have two stacks for you to represent me. And I know paper is like a furlough, but I need as much time as I can get before I do any time. Not that I want to.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: How do you catch a charge?

DEFENDANT: Well, you know the police threw it at me, and…

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: You couldn’t duck.

DEFENDANT: I tried man, but they caught me.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Have you ever tried to go to prison?

DEFENDANT: Well, no but…

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Two stacks?

DEFENDANT: Two G’s.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: I need five stacks.

DEFENDANT: Can you guarantee me I won’t do no time.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: No. And paper?
DEFENDANT: Probation, man. Don’t you know anything?
DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Yes. I know you caught a charge because you couldn’t duck, that you don’t want to go to prison, and you’ll do paper because it’s a delay until you go to prison, and you need to be out as long as possible to help your baby-mama, and you don’t have five stacks, but you want a money back guarantee.

DEFENDANT: Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.

 

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